Sorry its been forever

Hey guys sorry i havent updated in a while last time i posted was before my surgery which was last wed it went ok i was supper nervous. Lets just say itsscary er nurses come in you get in a wheel chare then arrive to the er theres a bunch of doctors you get on to this narrow table and all these doctors are asking you questions and hooking up stuff at the same time its overwhelming and hearing the heart monitor kinda freaked me out. I dont remeber much when they put me to sleep all i know was when i woke up my throat was sore and i was nasuas and in pain i kept on drifting in and out of sleep and my heart was pounding. i was in recovery for a while and my mom said i was saying funny thing but i dont remeber. when i went ack to my room i was so sick i couldnt lift my head with out wanting to vomit they had me on so much meds i couldnt keep anything down and i was in pain. Not gonna share much more of the 1st few days cuz i was sick.. But now a week and two days after my surgery im better still in some pain but better, have a long recovery ahead the sad part is this has a high chance of not working.. ugh. and we wont know if it worked or not untill my testing in three months.. again ughhh. crossing my fingers & hoping for the best. 

Long Day

Today was a very long day doctors appts all day. I found out my surgery is on wed next wed to be exact i am super nervous because if it doesnt work they have to do a more complicated procedure in which they have to cut open my bladder. Im crossing my fingers and hoping for the best im a little skeptical about this procedure because it hasnt been out that long so theres not many years of long term effect maybe 5 if that. And theres complications just like every other procedure but my biggest worry is it not working. Im in alot of pain lately but im trying to stay strong.

hmmm can i do that????? Can I Stay Strong????? I don't know but i guess all I can do is try..

today..

Hey its just me sitting in this big room, with nobody but me myself and I. Not one sound heared from anyother people suroundig just the heart heavy songs im playing and blaring. I sometimes like it like this well i like it like this alot because i write and write and write nonstop about anything and everything. sometimes i sit and read or lie on my back and look up at the ceiling and think and process everything that hasnt sometimes it all never does but i try. today was one of those days that as soon as you wake up out of bed in the morning you just wanna crawl right back in curl in a ball and cry. so im right now in my room door locked and writting i dont plan on coming out anytime soon. its going to be a long week..

Broken Relationships..

We've all been in that relationship were things just aren't working out.
Or The person your with loves you from head to toe and you don't feel the same
way about them or vice versa. The question is what do we do? Do we stay in the relationship
for all the wrong reasons or because we don't want to be alone. Or do we just break it off
it's a hard decision because people don't like to be alone or there afraid of being alone.
If your gonna break it off with your other your worried of how they feel and even though you want to break it off your still gonna feel bad especially women not saying that it's not hard for men I'm just saying it's hard for women to even harder. Your afraid of what they will say and how broken they will be. But you just want a relif because even though you may be breaking there heart, your not keeping them with you for all the wrong reasons your setting them free so they can go and have an equally loving relationship and so can you. It might be one of the hardest things to do but just do it for the right instead of staying for the wrong.
-Shantel